Wednesday, November 15, 2017


I was wandering SL and I ran across an avatar with this in their profile:

Why is it that some women in SL think their vertices and polygons are so much better than everyone else that they wont accept an Im if it is just "Hi" (sic)

 Considering how often the women of SL receive such messages I figure it's worth taking the time to answer that question.

 Would you send an unsolicited text message to a random woman you've never met?

 I want to say right off the bat that approaching someone in open chat is different from Instant Messaging them. A guy walks up to me and says hi in regular chat I'll say hi back every time.

I know not all women in SL feel the same but as far as I'm concerned, it's less invasive, more casual. Like someone walking up to you in a party and saying hello as opposed to getting a text message from a stranger. I screen my calls in RL due to telemarketers and SL isn't really different in that regard.

 Just be sure to have something else to say after that. Too often I'll say "Hello" back and the person who initiated the conversation just repeats the greeting, as if expecting me to carry the conversation they're trying to start. Don't be that guy.

Women in SL get unsolicited Instant Messages constantly.

As most women in SL will tell you, we get unsolicited Instant Messages from random strangers a lot. I mean a lot a lot. If I'm wandering a sim I will get IMs from guys in that sim. Even if I'm currently, obviously, involved with someone else at the moment I'm sure to get an IM from some guy lurking halfway across the sim.  If I'm sitting alone at home in an empty sim I'll still get IMs. Some from people in groups I'm in. Some from people in neighboring sims. Some from people I cannot find on the map or in my groups and with whom I have no connection whatsoever.

As I write this, sitting alone in my mainland home, I have just received an Instant Message from a stranger on the other side of the sim. Blank profile. They followed up the IM with a teleport offer, which I'm very pointedly ignoring. That is how frequently this happens.

It's always about sex.

It's constant and what's more they are always from people trying to come on to me. Not have a friendly conversation or talk about some common interest, no, it's always someone looking for digital sex.


 While I can imagine every unsolicited IM being a lazy pass at them puts a lot of SL ladies off, that's not even what bothers me. I'm fairly libertine when it comes to e-sex and I'll admit that if the person messaging me like that is cute, then I'll probably roll with it. However let's be frank here, most guys in SL don't have great avatars.

 Most male avatars in SL have severe proportion issues and other problems.

I'm sorry, I honestly don't know how to put it any more gently, but it's true! Most guys in SL, nearly all of them*, feel they need to be 8 or even 9 feet tall for some reason, and the SL appearance editor simply does not allow for proportionate bodies at those sizes, so the guys end up looking like stretched out victims of Willy Wonka's taffy stretching machine, or Slenderman's hipster cousin. Tiny heads, super broad shoulders, wasp-like waists. T-rex arms are another all too common trait. And many guys in SL stumble around without an Animation Overrider, instead using SL's super awkward default animations which just scream "newbie" no matter the rez date in your profile. There's also no shortage of guys so bad at making avatars that they forget to hide or detach their digital penis when clothed and wandering around. Just letting it jut out from their pants as if it were leading them around wherever they go.

 The above describes almost every guy I've seen in Second Life**. There's very few exceptions.

 So, if someone is going to make an awkward pass at me I at least want to see what they look like. If they're cute, I'll be far more inclined to overlook the awkwardness and give you a chance to impress me. If you have a bad avatar, sorry but I'm going to quietly close the chat window and go about my business. If you're not bothering to put any effort into either your appearance or your pickup attempt then you've given me no reason to give you a chance at getting into my digital panties.

 Again, many of the unsolicited IM pickups are from people not even in the same sim as me. Often with a blank profile or at least no pictures of their avatar. Like I said, if the guy is cute I'm more likely to go with it, if you're not even in the sim and have a blank profile you don't get that chance.

How to pick up women in Second Life.

 Look, if you want to pick up women in SL it's really not difficult. You just need to take that voice in the back of your head telling you "If you're not the tallest man in the room all of the ladies will laugh at you!", punch it in its non-existent not-face, and get yourself a proper, decent shape. If you can manage that much then you're well on your way to having a good looking avatar.

 Yeah, it should be easy to get a good shape in SL without even trying but it's not, even the makers of great looking mesh bodies tend to suck at making shapes. The starter avatar shapes are terrible. The appearance editor gives you no help at all. You're just going to have to bite the bullet and learn about proportions.

 Also, try not messaging a woman you don't know who is deep in conversation with a bunch of people like you're some kind of sex offender trying to lead their prey away from their friends and into a dark alley. Rather than be a creeper, try joining the conversation.

 Say hello in regular chat now and then instead of always trying to single women out with an instant message. Sure, some people in SL react to open chat like the rest of us react to IMs but it's worth rolling those dice now and then.

 Talk to some of your lady friends and ask them for their honest opinions on your avatar. Don't get angry if they tell you it's bad, instead try and figure out why it's bad and fix it. No one owes you e-sex just for existing, put a little effort into it!

 What it comes down to is you can either be angry at all those women who won't give you the time of day, or you can try and make yourself an appealing catch

* When I say "nearly all" I'm referring primarily to human men. Guys with furry and anime avatars seem to suffer this problem far less. Fantasy beast-men on the other hand seem to have it worse often sporting 12'+ avatars.
**Again, talking the human population.